Five Steps to Recover from Rejection and Obtain Restoration
Want to recover from rejection but don’t know how?
I’ve got you. You can overcome rejection God’s way and obtain restoration at the same time.
I experienced rejection from a spiritual leader in my church. In the process, I suffered rejection from many of its members. I also struggled not to allow bitterness, resentment, and unforgiveness to fester in my heart. If you find yourself drowning in the pain of rejection, allow me to show you Biblical and practical tools that helped me recover from rejection and to now coach others on how to become restored.
How to Overcome Rejection and Obtain Restoration
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Rejection happens to all of us. However, when we’re faced with rejection, it can feel very isolating. It can be very lonely. It may seem as if you’re all alone, and no one understands.
Joseph is a prime example of someone who experienced rejection in the Bible. He was thrown into a pit by his own brothers because they were jealous of him. They then decided to sell him into slavery to get rid of him. But while Joseph was working for Potiphar, the Bible tells us that “the Lord was with Joseph, and he was a prosperous man. . .” (Gen 39:2).
God was with Joseph, even though he experienced rejection from his brothers! Even though others may leave you, God is with you. While some may neglect you, God is with you. While someone may have abandoned you, know that God is always with you. You are not alone!
In fact, we’re reminded in Psalm 27:10:
“When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up.”
“My father and my mother” can be taken to literally mean mother and father – the very people with whom one should have close relations. However, it also figuratively signifies close relations with family and friends. This can include parents, children, siblings, best friends, brothers and sisters in Christ, ministers, pastors, leaders, etc. It refers to any person who should have your back.
“Forsake” means to leave, fail, or be unwilling to help in time of need. It refers to anyone who is unkind or unmindful of you. It can reference anyone who is unable to assist in your time of trouble.
But we’re told in the Scripture that, when the very person who you think should have your back hurts, abandons, neglects, and rejects you, the Lord will take you up. In other words, God will gather you in His arms. He will comfort you. He will keep you. And that is because God is with you. While others may walk out on you, God accepts you and is always with you.
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I know the rejection hurt. It’s painful. And it leaves you feeling broken.
But have you ever thought that the rejection you experienced was really God’s way of protecting you? The Omniscient God knows all things. He sees that this person doesn’t need to be in your life because if they are, then they’ll distract you, stop you from walking in your purpose, and hinder your walk with God. God is protecting you by severing the tie, knowing that their hearts are evil and far from God.
Not only is God protecting you, but rejection is meant to redirect you. God may allow you to experience rejection because He has something better for you. He’s leading you to something greater. God is the one who opens doors for opportunities. And He also closes those very doors when it is time for us to move in a different direction.
Consider Joseph in the Bible. Potiphar’s wife tried to seduce him. After he turned her down repeatedly, she made a false accusation of rape. As a result, Joseph was thrown into prison. Although he could have sought vengeance, he didn’t. God eventually intervened in Joseph’s life to have him occupy the highest position in Egypt, second only to Pharoah.
Years later, a famine brought Joseph’s brothers to Egypt, as they were seeking help because Egypt had prospered under Joseph’s care. When his brothers realized that Joseph was second in command, they were terrified that he would seek retribution against them for the horror they committed upon him. However, he told them that—while their intentions were evil—God meant them for good, in that he was sent to Egypt to provide for them and his people.
Joseph understood that what appeared to be rejection from his brothers when he was a kid was a set up for God’s protection and redirection. God, through Joseph, brought Israel to Egypt and preserved his chosen people during the Great Famine.
I know the rejection hurt. It’s painful. And it leaves you feeling broken.
But have you ever thought that the rejection you experienced was really God’s way of protecting you? The Omniscient God knows all things. He sees that this person doesn’t need to be in your life because if they are, then they’ll distract you, stop you from walking in your purpose, and hinder your walk with God. God is protecting you by severing the tie, knowing that their hearts are evil and far from God.
Not only is God protecting you, but rejection is meant to redirect you. God may allow you to experience rejection because He has something better for you. He’s leading you to something greater. God is the one who opens doors for opportunities. And He also closes those very doors when it is time for us to move in a different direction.
Consider Joseph in the Bible. Potiphar’s wife tried to seduce him. After he turned her down repeatedly, she made a false accusation of rape. As a result, Joseph was thrown into prison. Although he could have sought vengeance, he didn’t. God eventually intervened in Joseph’s life to have him occupy the highest position in Egypt, second only to Pharoah.
Years later, a famine brought Joseph’s brothers to Egypt, as they were seeking help because Egypt had prospered under Joseph’s care. When his brothers realized that Joseph was second in command, they were terrified that he would seek retribution against them for the horror they committed upon him. However, he told them that—while their intentions were evil—God meant them for good, in that he was sent to Egypt to provide for them and his people.
Joseph understood that what appeared to be rejection from his brothers when he was a kid was a set up for God’s protection and redirection. God, through Joseph, brought Israel to Egypt and preserved his chosen people during the Great Famine.
God often uses hardships to accomplish His plans for His people. The next time you’re tempted to become bitter, understand that God is allowing rejection to protect and redirect you! So move forward to the season God is placing you in.
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One of the reasons we often struggle with rejection is because we tend to focus on what we have lost. We think about the relationship we once had, but lost. We think about the friendship we valued, but it is no longer. And if we think about what happened from a deficit mindset, we’re going to stew in discouragement, depression, and despair.
But rather than think about what you lost, think about what you gained. Did the rejection cause you to:
Grow stronger in the Lord?
Trust God more?
Become more discerning?
Be more mindful of the people you keep company with?
Grow spiritually?
What have you gained? If you can’t specify what you’ve gained, that means you’re allowing the rejection to take hold of you. So, rather than let that happen, ask God what He would have you learn from this so that you can make it to the other side of rejection: better, stronger, and wiser.
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I know that forgiveness is far from easy. In fact, at times, it can feel more painful than the wound of betrayal. Forgiveness means to hold no more resentment. It means to cease blame. It is to give up all claims and release all charges.
When a person truly forgives, anger, bitterness, and resentment are put to rest forever. Satan desires that you withhold extending forgiveness so that you can be stuck. The enemy of your soul wants to keep you in a spiritual rut so that you do not advance in your walk with God.
Instead of desiring to get even or seek vengeance, choose to forgive because feeding on unforgiveness is toxic. When we don’t forgive, we are trapped by invisible bars in captivity. But when you choose to forgive, you will be made free. So, if you want to forgive:
Make the Decision to Release the Person Who Hurt You and Forgive
Choosing to forgive frees you from the control of the person who harmed you. This means that you’re choosing to move forward with your life, which will result in overwhelming peace and freedom from the bondage of pain.
Keep Negative Thoughts From Drawing You Back Into Unforgiveness
To overcome negative thoughts, begin to express appreciation for all the things you are thankful for in your life. An attitude of gratitude will change your mindset from what you lack or lose to what you have. This helps us shift our mindset, makes us more resilient to emotional setbacks, and leads to greater contentment.
Pray for the Person Who Hurt You
The Bible makes it clear that we should pray for our enemy (Matthew 5:44). God wants you to sincerely pray for the very person who has offended you. He wants you to pray for that individual in the same way that you want someone to pray for you. Doing so makes it easier to forgive the person who harmed you.
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Realize that God can use the rejection and hurt you have experienced to propel you to your purpose. It could be that the pain from the betrayal can be the catalyst driving you to your destiny.
Affliction comes to make us grow. It comes to teach us a lesson. So, rather than hate the person who hurts you, change your focus to the very real possibility that he or she is a steppingstone to launch you to your next level. He or she is simply being used to teach you something that you need to have in your toolbelt. God has a reason for using this person to offer a teachable movement so that you can move toward your God-given purpose.
Before You Go
If you want to recover from rejection and obtain restoration, then
1) recognize God is with you,
2) understand that what seems like rejection is really God’s protection and redirection,
3) reframe your narrative,
4) forgive in order to receive freedom, and
5) realize that God can use the pain to propel you to your purpose!
If you are interested in continuing to learn how to release the weight of emotional pain and find a path to lasting healing, then subscribe to get our monthly insights on emotional healing and wellness.
For additional information on healing from the sting of rejection and betrayal, read my book, The Judas Kiss.
