How to Forgive so You Can be Forgiven, Receive Freedom, and Find Fellowship With God
Forgiveness is often one of the hardest things to do, especially when the hurt is deep. But as I’ve learned, choosing to forgive not only brings emotional healing but also leads to freedom and a closer relationship with God. My personal experience with forgiveness, after feeling deeply hurt in my church, taught me valuable lessons that I want to share with you. Here's how I learned to forgive and, in doing so, received freedom and fellowship with God.
The Power of Forgiveness
Forgiveness is an act of the will—a conscious choice to let go of the hurt and move forward. When you choose to forgive, you're acknowledging the wrong that was done, but you're also making the decision not to let it control you. Holding on to bitterness and resentment can poison your heart, leading to emotional, mental, spiritual, and even physical distress. But when you forgive, you release yourself from the toxic grip of unforgiveness.
Not only does forgiveness benefit you, but it also allows God to work in the life of the person who hurt you. When you try to take matters into your own hands, seeking revenge or holding onto anger, you block God from intervening. But by letting go and trusting God to deal with that person, you’re opening the door for Him to work.
Additionally, forgiveness is a key component in maintaining fellowship with God. When you refuse to forgive, it disrupts your relationship with Him. In Matthew 6:12, Jesus teaches us to pray, "Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors." Simply put, we must forgive others if we want to be forgiven ourselves. Holding on to unforgiveness not only affects our relationships with people but also our connection with God.
Common Myths About Forgiveness
Despite the importance of forgiveness, many people struggle with it due to common misconceptions. Let's debunk some of these myths:
Myth 1: If I forgive someone, it means I am excusing what they did
Forgiveness, at times, can be confused with condoning or excusing what someone has done. Yet, forgiveness does not mean overlooking, justifying, forgetting, or denying offenses.
Truth: While we may not forget what someone has done to us, forgiveness empowers us to treat the person as though the offense never occurred. Forgiveness rearranges our feelings towards the person who harmed us so we can ultimately remember—not forget—while still choosing to forgive.
Myth 2: If I forgive someone, it means they just get away with it
Forgiveness does not mean you are surrendering your right to justice. It also does not mean releasing the offending party from legal accountability.
Truth: If, for example, a crime was committed, the offending party may go through the criminal legal system and be arrested, prosecuted, and sentenced for the offense committed. And if that does not happen, it does not negate the fact that he or she will face God’s ultimate judgment.
Myth 3: If I forgive someone, it means I must reconcile with them
Even though forgiveness can help repair a damaged relationship, it does not obligate you to reconcile with the person who harmed you.
Truth: While forgiveness is a step towards reconciliation, reconciliation is not necessarily a goal in and of itself. In fact, in some cases, it can be a bad idea, particularly if the other party is not repentant or willing to change. In other cases, reconciliation is not possible.
Myth 4: If I forgive someone, it means that I must trust them
Finally, forgiveness is not to be confused with restoring trust to the offending party.
Truth: Trust is earned over time and does not mean extending an invitation for the person to sin against you again. Moreover, while forgiveness is one-sided and freely chosen, restoration is a mutual process that is negotiated.
How to Let Go and Forgive
Now that we’ve addressed the myths, let’s talk about the process of forgiving. Forgiveness is a journey that requires intentional steps, but it is possible with God’s help.
1. Make the Decision to Release the Person Who Hurt You and Forgive
The first step in forgiveness is making the intentional decision to release the person who hurt you. This doesn’t mean excusing their behavior; it means choosing not to let their actions control your emotions. Studies have shown that forgiving others can reduce depression, anxiety, and anger. By choosing to forgive, you free yourself from the emotional hold the offense has on you, opening the door for peace and healing.
2. Make the Decision to Release the Person Who Hurt You and Forgive
Negative thoughts will attempt to draw you back when you make the decision to forgive. To overcome this, begin to express appreciation for all the things you are thankful for in your life.
An attitude of gratitude will change your mindset from what you lack or lost to what you have. This helps us shift our mindset, make us more resilient to emotional setbacks, and leads to greater contentment.
3. Pray for the Person Who Hurt You
Part of forgiving someone entails praying for them. The Bible makes it clear that we should pray for our enemy (Matthew 5:44).
God wants you to sincerely pray for the very person who has offended you. He wants you to pray for that individual in the same way that you would want someone to pray for you. Doing so makes it easier to forgive the person who harmed you.
Let Jesus make you free! Not only will you be able to move forward to live the abundant life that God has for you but, in the process, you will preserve your sanity, dignity, and peace.
4. Remember That Jesus Forgives You
If you still struggle to forgive, remember that Jesus Christ died to give you the privilege of having all your trespasses and debts forgiven when you got saved. It was God’s love which caused Him to forgive us while we were yet deep in our sins. This agape love is a sacrificial, selfless, and unconditional love of God seen through the cross of Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ displayed this love on the cross for us as He died for us while we were still sinners. Likewise, we are to love God and others with agape love. Yes, we are expected to extend that same agape love to each other. Yes, as believers, we are expected to forgive the person who hurt and wounded us.
Forgiveness Brings Freedom
In conclusion, forgiving those who have hurt you is not about excusing their behavior or pretending the pain never happened. It’s about freeing yourself from the emotional and spiritual weight of unforgiveness, trusting God to deal with the person, and allowing your relationship with God to flourish.
If you’re interested in learning more about emotional healing and wellness, subscribe to our newsletter for monthly insights. You can also check out my book, The Judas Kiss, for deeper insights into healing from betrayal and rejection.
Forgive, and you will find freedom.
This blog captures the process and power of forgiveness, breaking down common myths while offering practical steps for those who struggle to let go of pain.
